every day i walk down these same streets, and every day i feel such conflict within me. my eyes see what i wish they could not see, yet i am drawn to keep looking.
the amount of malformation in china is staggering. i do not know how best to describe it. everyday i see dozens of amputees, children with no hands, albino children, numerous men and women with one leg no more than that of a child's, children with scars stretching from temple to jaw, men with burned faces, and countless individuals pulling themselves around on carts, pads made of tires, and their own torsos. i cannot describe to you the feelings in my mind and my heart as i see this day after day. but i will try.
like nearly anything horrific, we turn to look. amazed. astounded. horrified. and curious. i ache when i see mothers begging to support a child with no legs. i am humbled when i see the man holding his 15 year old son over a patch of dirt to use the restroom because he has only grown to be the size of an 8 year old, but his head is twice the size of a grown man's. i am shocked at the number of amputees, and burdened for their families. but what to do?
like nearly anything horrific, we shelter our minds and emotions from the melee. unsure. fearful. embarrassed. and compelled. i want to turn and forget that i live in a world where someone has to beg because of an accident or their creation. i am ashamed that i do not do what it takes to really make a difference in each of their lives. i want to be able to wake up again in the morning and not have to give thanks that i am in one piece. i want to take it for granted. because when i don't the only option is acting. but what to do?
i have no idea what to do; you can see. i want to offer the kind hand, or the change of my pocket. but what good does it do? i suppose that it does a great bit, even J needed a drink of water on His way to calvary. but it hurts to think that i cannot do more. i am ashamed that i walk past so many. that i spend so much money and time on stuff, on travel, on research.
really, we each know what to do. i am not a savior, not for any man or woman or child. but i know the one who is. and i am not called to be, i am called to be an ambassador, a disciple. i don't know what i hope this might say to you. i just have felt these emotions welling in me and wished to express them. be thankful, but more so, know His kindness that you might administer it, and know His love that you might give it.
1 comment:
Hi, Ryan. Yeah, I remember when I got to that point in Russia. Where you see the need everywhere, and it follows you home, and you feel so small and it all overwhelms you. And you want to shut down your emotions but you are scared of what it would mean if you did. And sometimes when I did try to help it seemed I would later find that my idea of 'help' wasn't really what they needed. Oh, press into J here! Pr. as you go. Grace to you to live fully and to know the heart of the one who sees it all, the one who is always weeping and yet still rejoicing over all of humanity.
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