with the rains come change

you all know that i only just returned to xining. and what a tumultuous 2 weeks it's been, up and down health, erratic weather, and moving apartments. well, at the moment i sit inside my new apartment wondering just how cold this much anticipated winter will be. i've always loved cold weather, and have often said so publicly. some voices have responded by saying that i only think i do because i grew up in texas. i always dismissed them as not really knowing what they were talking about. but today their words come to mind as we have just hit october (my mother's birth month) and we are nearly at the freezing point. with each rainstorm, which is strangely out of season, it gets colder. i checked the weather this morning and we rung in at 6 degrees celsius. winter highs will not even come close this balmy temperature. i found my reserve tested for wanting a bitter cold winter.

but then i went for a walk and i remembered why i love winter temperatures. wrapped in scarf and hands shoved into the abyss of my pockets i wandered around block after block, watching my breathe rise from nothing. i felt alone--alone with my thoughts--like the cold throws up a curtain around me and i can wander abandoned streets. the winter is a time for reflection and wondering. the crispness of the air dampens the chaos, of streets and city, as well as in the mind. things are thrown into sharper clarity in contrast the white of winter. thoughts rise like your breathe, forgotten or invisible till that moment. winter is like the desert for releasing the inner man.

i feel glad for the approaching winter. it came quicker than i expected, but perhaps i am in need of a longer time of release.