here comes the recap, the recap

i had just arrived at the xining airport after catching the direct bus from town. i had arrived a little early to check in so the gate was not open yet, since we are a small city (1 million) so only one flight comes and goes at a time. that's right, a city the size of austin has one plane land, empty, then refill and take off at a time. then the next one comes in. so i was waiting for the counter to open so that i could check. bored as i was i pulled the handy ipod. it's a grey scale model, that if i am honest i am proud to own. no color. i would love a new ipod touch, but there is a little pride in me for having an old one. forgive me for my pride. this is the same reason i said i didn't like U2 until like 3 years ago. too popular. but it's not like i am not going to have an i pod. hypocritical i know. anyway, i pulled it out and went to listen to one of the 5 new albums i had saved for the trip, or one of the freshly minted play lists i had compiled the previous few days. but my ipod was empty. it turned on, i swirled to play lists, but nothing. just the option to make an on-the-go play list. so i backtracked and tried to find an album, but nothing. reset. the same thing. some how my ipod was erased in the hour it took to leave my apartment, get to the bus stop and travel to airport. for most of you this may seem like just a slight annoyance. but you see, i come to need music. it sounds silly, but trust me, since good ole casey started showing me ropes of indie music i've been addicted. (this is turning into a confession, sorry.)

so, there i sat. checked in and dismayed. there was about 45 minutes till take off. everyone had already boarded but me. you see, the chinese don't like to wait to do something. if the flight were not leaving for 3 days, but you could get on i swear it would be half full. it's the same for anything, they wait an hour for the local clothing store to open, and there's no sale. so, i am sitting there. and i am more distraught than i like to admit. looking back, i probably seemed like a kid after his parents finally decide it's time for the blankey to go and it get lost. running through my mind were 12 hours of flights, long layovers in unknown airports, and innumerable bus and train trips. not to mention the escape music brings while you walk through a new city. it's like a soundtrack, and i had written scores for several moods just for the occasion. for just about that entire 45 minutes i had a conversation with the Man upstairs. surely something like this had a purpose i thought, so the righteous thing to do would be understand why and submit to it. but i kept asking 'why?!' like i had lost something far more valuable than an ipod. (this feel shameful to write. but i guess that's what therapy is like.) honestly the only thing i could come to was that i was just too dependent on music, that i shut people out some of the time. but in the moment that didn't feel satisfactory. but i got on the plane sat down and tried to be okay without it. 4 hours waiting for a connection flight in beijing was the pits. but the one thing that made my trip to europe okay without an ipod was emirates airlines award winning entertainment package. (i am hoping that they see this and give me a free flight.) it really was amazing. more than 4000 channels. a personal wide screen tv. new releases. i kid you not. so, i disappeared into that for just about the 7 hours. i learn slowly. i did manage to pry myself away to talk to an emirati and his extremely excited 7 year old son. obviously wealthy, just not wealthy enough for $10,000 r/t tickets in first class with actual beds and full time servants, not attendants.

you know what, after a few days i was okay. music, well i still wanted it, but it was not bad without it. i guess in many ways just about everything we do in life is a habit, and can be unlearned. we must remember the wise words of yoda, 'you must unlearn what you have learned.' in the end that means that--often with considerable help--i can change in drastic ways. in fact, i just realized i wrote this blog without any music, only the ambient sounds of a market at dusk seeping in through an open window. the music of life. oh, so cheesy.