9.03.2007

an ode to my family

i was just sitting and thinking this morning, and i started to think about my family. i didn't have to realize how great they are or anything like that, but i wanted to remind myself, and them, how much i love them and how i appreciate them.

i come from a family where my brother and i were taught to be fairly independent, thinking and acting for ourselves, and reaping the consequences for ourselves. so when i travel i travel i don't call home very often. in fact, i don't when i am in the states either. i feel fine leaving things for a while without worrying about the relationship. but that does not mean that i don't miss them, or that the connections are weak. i think the opposite, in fact. i love my mother, i love my father, and i love my brother deeply. just not always through a phone call.

i realize this is beginning to sound cheesy, but you can stop reading any time you like.

the more time i spend away from my family, the more important they become in my life, and the more i realize their influences. like has been said a million times before, i am who i am because of them. i like to think of myself, in a prideful way, as being self made. but that is not true. i don't know exactly what or how i learned from them, but i am my father's and my mother's son. you see me, you see them. good or bad. however, i have realized some things that i've learned from them. from my father i learned a perseverance to keep trying and to believe in the ability within you, even if it takes more tries than you would like. it's a stubbornness not to be defeated by an outcome. from my mother i learned a heart of compassion, to see deep but not to judge, and to value the weak things. and from my brother i have learned what it means to be forgiven by someone and then for that person to be a friend closer than a brother, regardless of how poorly i treated him when we were kids.

to the majority of you this may have little meaning. but i felt it important to honor those who acted as chisels and hammers, not to mention fine grain sandpaper, in making me the ryan you all know.

2 comments:

barb said...

I also love that family!

Kay said...

Well, color me pink (blushing!) What a special gift to be honored in front of everyone. I have learned from you, Ryan, about following your passion and your heart. You have a dream and you do what is necessary to pursue that dream...including what looks like sacrifice to me. You are a brave man and I love the way you color outside of the lines. Have you even been inside the lines lately?? Matt IS a forgiving soul and a deep soul. He has taught me about clinging to our Father. I also love Matt's funny self. Your dad has taught me about grace and forgiveness. Moral of the story...we all have opportunity to teach one another and to learn from one another. And Barbara, I have learned from you about perseverence and going the distance even when you must be tired and want to quit. Can we have a group huh now??